This Is the Beginning of Anything You Want
I adore this song by Boy. It might be one of my favourite songs of all time. I keep coming back to it at various points in my life and it never really fails to make me emotional. But I don't think it ever was more fitting to listen to that song than right now.
In one week, I'll start to study Information Design in Graz. Next Saturday, I'll be moving for the first time in my life, into an apartment, on my own. Up until now, I didn't really think about any of these changes happening in my life. I had a bunch of other stuff to do. And I'm generally a person who tries to avoid the possibility of becoming emotional. I guess I still feel like showing emotion is a weakness, which is probably stupid. But in our generation, it seems like indifference is the default feeling for many of us. Whether it comes to big changes facing our whole society or personal challenges. And I suppose I'm rather indifferent about something than sad or worrisome. Which is not good. Better deal with emotions than avoid them. I have to work on that.
In fact, I'll have to work on a lot of things if I want to be able to sustain myself. I've been lucky in that my family always took care of me and my needs. But now I'll have to feed myself. (Yes, cookbooks and kitchen tools have been bought.)
Although, looking back, if there's something that the last 18 years of my life taught me, I guess it's that I'm kind of fine on my own. I might not be cheerful and happy all the time (which is a stupid thing to aspire to anyways), but I'm also never completely lost. Needless to say, I'm also much happier around my close friends and I'm really blessed with an incredible friendship group, but if it comes down to it, I can also get along with myself. Not always. But most times. I think that's good, at least. And so, looking forward to probably the scariest thing that I've ever done in my entire life, at the very least I know that I'll probably be fine, whatever ends up happening. What is certain is that I will learn a lot. And if that is the worst that can happen – fucking up, but learning from it, then that's not so bad after all.
This post is very weird. I should probably have put that disclaimer at the very top. But since I started this post with a song reference, I guess I could end it with one as well. I'm a huge Coldplay fan and in their song "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall", I love this wonderful line:
I'd rather be a comma than a full stop
Even if I'm kind of frightened of what's ahead, doing new things that might seem daunting is soo much better than just standing still. This step is one more comma in what I'm not going to call life sentence, because that doesn't have such a positive connotation. But you get the idea.